Blood Moon/Transcript
Prologue Green's House, living room (Gramma is standing before the fire pit, wearing a reaper's robe.) Gramma: It's Halloween, children, and there's much to be afraid of: Ghouls, goblins, and those spooky motion sensor decorations, you know the ones. But nothing's more fried than -- than what we'll see this evening. The sky will turn red, creepy things will happen, for tonight there will be...A BLOOD MOON! (Pulls back to show Cricket and Tilly listening on the couch; pause.) Gramma: Y'hear me? I SAID A BLOOD MOON'S COMIN'! (They just laugh.) Cricket: That's pretty spooky, Gramma. But we're gonna go get ready for Halloween. (he and Tilly laugh again) Blood moon... (blows a raspberry) Gramma: (freaking out) We're all doomed. (Cuts to a Halloween version of the theme song.) Part 1 Garage (Episode title appears in blood lettering in the sky; thunder strikes, then pans down to show the various citizens trick-or-treating in their costumes. Bill is at the garage, guiding all the animals inside.) Bill: Alright, alright, get in. Gramma: Lock 'em up, Bill! That blood moon's a comin', and I'm not takin' any chances! (slams door) Bill: (rolling eyes, flatly) All right, Ma! (pushes Melissa in) Ah, there ya go. Sorry, but it's just for tonight. Be on your best behavior. (He closes the garage door and puts a lock on it.) Bill: (grunts) All set. (The shadow of something unknown zips right past.) Bill: Huh? Hello? Someone there? (He investigates; the vane is shown to have an evil face on it.) Bill: Hello? I'm sure I heard somethin'... (The barrel before him shakes; he slowly approaches it.) Bill: (gulps) Eh...whoever's in there, j-j...just come on out, now! (A chicken jumps out of the barrel and clucks loudly.) Bill: Phew! You almost had me there. Well, let's get 'cha inside the -- (the chicken jumps off and gets stuck in the wall hole) Hey, get back here, chicken! (pulling it free) C'mere, you! (Suddenly, Cricket bursts out of the hole, wearing a horned zombie mask with one eyehole and holding a flashlight.) Cricket: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAWAWAWAWAWAWA!!! (Bill is taken aback; he comes out, revealing his shredded zombie clothes.) Cricket: (chuckles, raises mask) Happy Halloween, Dad! Bet'cha wish you'd fix that hole now, huh? Did I scare you, Dad? (realizes he's not answering, clicks flashlight on and off) Uh...Dad? (Bill inhales, then...) Bill: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (The scream causes several crows to scatter.) Cricket: I'll take that as a yes. Cricket and Tilly's bedroom (Cricket reenters through the hole; Tilly is on her bed, dressed as a scientist.) Cricket: Can you believe it, Tilly? Our first Halloween in Big City! Tilly: (writes something on a clipboard) My hypothesis is that our evening will be...delicious. (She shows her prediction: "Candy is good.") Cricket: I'm gonna eat so much candy, I'm gonna throw up! That way I'll have room for even more candy. (puts the drawer back; sees Tilly's costume) Ooh, like the costume, Tilly. What are ya, a mad scientist? Tilly: Oh, no. I'm just a regular scientist. If I'm angered at all, it is due to a lack of funding for my research. (She presents a science project on "Do cats love?".) (The door is heard knocking and opening.) Bill (OS): Hey, kids! (cuts to him) I just finished lockin' up the animals! (flatly) And gave Gramma her many medications. (normal) Which means it's time for...trick-or-treating! Cricket: Actually Dad, we've got some good news: we don't need you for Halloween this year. Bill: What are you talkin' about? (Flashback: During the Greens' days in the country, the Kludge is shown backing out of their old house on Halloween and driving a long way to the next.) Cricket (VO): Back in the country, houses were few and far between. Ya had to drive us around so we could trick-or-treat. We'd drive for miles and still hardly get any candy. (Shows various houses side by side; the doors open, and the owners come out with their candy bowls.) Cricket (VO): But here in the city, homes are all squished together! (Shows he and Tilly on an enormous pile of candy.) Cricket (VO): We're gonna get ten times more candy than we ever did in the country! (Back to reality.) Cricket: So now, your services are completely unnecessary. Tilly: Isn't that great, Papa? Cricket: Me and Tilly can finally trick-or-treat by ourselves! Bill: But I always take you trick-or-treating! Can't we just -- Tilly: (puts her hands around his mouth) Shh shh. Your years of Halloween service will not be forgotten. (kisses his cheek) Bill: But -- but -- (They leave the room.) Cricket: Tilly, you got the bucket of fake blood? Tilly (OS): Fake? Bill: Hmmph. Living room Alice: (ominously) Beware the blood moon... Cricket: Oh Grandma, not this again! Gramma: Yes, this again! Y'all stay inside tonight! Cricket: It's happenin', Tilly. Gramma's startin' to lose it. Gramma: I'm warning you both! A blood moon on Halloween night is a powerful thing! After tonight, our family may never be the same! (The door budges, shocking them for a moment.) Gramma: Stay back. Porch/Front yard (She opens the door and looks out. Gramma: Oh. (Reveals it's Gloria dressed like a cat.) Gramma: It's just the coffee maid from next door. Gloria: Hey, I have a life outside of work you know! Wait -- is that a club? Alice: (holding a spiked club) Yes. Gloria: Ugh...whatever. (shows an exploded pumpkin bomb) Just tell Cricket he left this abomination in the cafe. When I see him again, I am gonna -- (Cricket suddenly appears, hanging upside down in the door.) Cricket: OOGA-BOOGA-BOOGA! Gloria: AAAHHH!!!!!! (She faints from this, pumpkin guts all over her.) Cricket (OS): Happy Halloween, Gloria! Uh...Gloria? Gramma: Look what you've done, boy! Now we've got a body on our hands. (She drags the unconscious Gloria inside.) Tilly (OS): Hi, Gloria. (comes out) You ready, brother? Cricket: Does candy taste sweet? Tilly: Yes. Cricket: Big City Halloween awaits! (They run off; Bill suddenly appears before them with a log.) Bill: TIMBERRR!! (Reveals he's dressed as a lumberjack.) Bill: Look, kids, your dad's a lumberjack! Since Gramma's all worried about tonight, I figured I'd throw on a costume and come along as your chaperone! Cricket: Oh, we're way ahead of you, Dad. Remy's comin', and he's bringin' his bodyguard, Vasquez. (The Remingtons' helicopter lands; the door opens to reveal Remy and Vasquez as hot dogs.) Remy: Hey, guys! Vasquez: (gets off) Master Remy, allow me to assist you. Remy: (slightly ticked) No thank you, I can get down on my -- (hops off and flops on the ground) Vasquez: Master Remy! Remy: No! Don't help! (He shimmies over to Cricket and Tilly then stands.) Cricket: Whoa. You look pretty mad for a hot dog. Remy: I am mad! Did you see Vasquez?! He asked me weeks ago what I was dressing up as for Halloween. And sure enough, on Halloween night, he shows up wearing the same thing! (Vasquez waves.) Remy: Vasquez stole my idea! Cricket: Remy, I hear you, I see you, there's no time to worry about costume theft. We gotta go have the greatest night of our lives!! Cricket, Tilly, Remy: WHOOOO!!!! (All charge happily toward the street; suddenly a red tinge of light catches Cricket off guard.) Cricket: Huh? (looks up) (Camera focuses on the full moon in the sky; a hint of red washes over it, before it turns dark red, becoming the blood moon as it shines red light everywhere.) Cricket: Whooooaaaaa... (A noise is heard; before them is one of the chickens. She turns to face them and clucks; her eyes have turned red and are glowing like the moon.) Cricket: What the? (She clucks loudly, summoning an army of chickens also with red eyes.) Remy: What's wrong with the animals? Tilly: I will admit: their behavior is strange. (More animals come: first Miss Brenda and Melissa, then Herbert and Marjorie, also with red eyes, and they all start to close in on them.) Tilly: VERY strange. Cricket: (sounding not fooled) Oh-ho, I get it: y'all tryin' to scare us, huh? (takes off mask and holds it before him) Well, you should leave that to the professional -- (Herbert squeals and eats the mask out of his hand.) Cricket: AAAGH! DEMON PIG! DEMON PIG! (Now Melissa tugs on Remy's costume.) Remy: AGH! MY BUTTERY BUNS! Vasquez: Huh? Master Remy! (a chicken attacks him.) AGH! (throws her down; another attacks) AGH! Tilly: Betty? Cynthia? What's happenin' to y'all?! (One chicken lays an egg; it hatches to reveal a regular-looking chick.) Tilly: Aww, love finds a way. (Unfortunately, the chick's eyes are red too; it squeals madly.) Tilly: AHH!! (All the animals surround them and close in.) Cricket: Not good, guys, this is not good! Bill: Kids! Hurry, get inside! (Marjorie and Miss Brenda block the way.) Cricket: We can't! (Vasquez bursts out of the chickens.) Vasquez: AHHHH!! Don't worry, children! (opens buns) I am your shield! Living room (Vasquez hurries inside; he opens his buns to let the kids fall out.) Cricket: What the heck was that?!? Gramma: (observing from the window) That is a Halloween blood moon. I've never seen one myself, but I've heard grizzly tales from times past. Entire farms have been undone by its wicked curse -- families torn apart! Bill: Whoa, hold on. We're safe as long as we stay inside the house. I'm sure the blood moon'll fade in a few hours, and everything'll be back to normal. Cricket: A few hours!?! I can't wait that long -- trick-or-treating will be over! Isn't there anything we can do?!? Gramma: Nothing now. Bill should've penned up the animals beforehand! Bill: B-but I did! They must've broken out. (Gloria is heard moaning; she regains consciousness and looks at her feet on the couch.) Gloria: Huh? Gramma: (zombie-like) Welcome back. Gloria: AAAAGH! (pants and tries to run out) I gotta get outta here!! Bill: You can't leave! No one can leave. Gloria: What?! Tilly: You're trapped here, Gloria. We all are. Gloria: But I have a party to go to! There is no way I'm staying here! (flees) Bill: W-wait! Front yard Gloria: (runs out the door) I'M COMING, PARTY! Bill: Come back! You don't understand!! '''Gloria:' Ugh, they are so weird. (Miss Brenda appears before her; she is surrounded by the animals.) Gloria: Huh? Wha? (She is attacked offscreen; the Greens, Remy and Vasquez watch.) Bill: Oh... Living room Gramma: Get outta the way! I can't see! (Gloria reenters, completely disheveled; she faints.) Remy: Is...she okay? Cricket: Never mind her, we have a real problem! There's no escape! No trick-or-treating! HALLOWEEN IS RUINED! Part 2 Street (Outside, the blood moon is still shining as kids go trick-or-treating across the street.) Kids: Trick or treat! Skeleton man: Happy Halloween, kids! Green's House, living room (Cricket is watching this from the window.) Cricket: (moans sadly) (Suddenly Melissa jumpscares him.) Cricket: AGH! (faints; paces) I can't believe this! Our first Halloween in Big City, and this blood moon comes along and makes all the crazy! (Melissa starts licking the window glass.) Tilly: As a scientist, this is a very unique development. Vasquez: It's trying to get in! We need to barricade the entrance! (breaks off the mantle) Bill: Whoa! Easy there! They won't get in, we're safe as long as we stay in the house. Cricket: (flopping down) I can feel my youth draining away...what is a boy...without his trick...or treats...? Bill: Well, ya know...I think I may have a way you can trick-or-treat after all. Cricket: (excitedly jumps on him) Well don't hold back! Spit it out! Bill: Who says ya can't enjoy the fun of trick-or-treatin'...indoors? Cricket: (frowns) Say what, now? Bill: You'll get your trick-or-treatin'. And, we'll be together as a family. It'll be fun! Come on, everybody! (He leads Cricket, Remy and Vasquez out.) Gloria (OS): Stupid animals...stupid house... (Tilly and Gramma are taken aback; Gloria is angrily pacing back and forth.) Gloria: I can't believe I called in sick tonight, just to be stuck in a house, full of bozos! For once, I had the chance to go to an actual party. I could've socialized...I could've danced...but no -- instead, I'm stuck inside, because of some STUPID ANIMALS! (She rolls up her sleeves as she finishes, revealing bite marks on her arms.) Tilly: (gasps upon seeing the bites; whispers) Oh, my. Gramma, what happens if you are bitten by a blood moon animal? Gloria: (losing it) UGH!! Kevin will be there, and he'll be alone with Shelby! (laughs psychotically) Gramma: Hmm. I reckon she'll either be fine, or she'll turn into one of them! (Now Herbert is at the window squealing loudly; Gloria mimics him.) Gramma: Oh my goodness, it's begun. Tilly: This is an opportunity, Gramma. We must study her! Gramma: Study? I'm afraid it's too late for that, Tilly. Gloria: This is the stupidest day of my life! (Gramma has tied her up) Huh? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? Gramma: (lifts her) I'm takin' no chances! Cricket and Tilly's bedroom (She is thrown in on the floor; she hisses.) Gramma: It's too dangerous to let her roam free -- we gotta keep her locked up in here, until she changes. (starts to leave; Tilly stops her) Tilly: Just a second, Gramma. What if she escapes? Shouldn't we find some tools to uh, defend ourselves? Gramma: Hmm...good thinkin', Tilly! I'll go get my bag of weapons! Don't go near her 'til I get back. Tilly: Okay! I won't! (Once Gramma is out of sight, Tilly closes the door and locks it.) Tilly: Don't worry, Gloria, I'm gonna help you. Gloria: Oh, thank goodness. You're not crazy like the rest of your family. Tilly: I'm gonna cure you of the demon illness you possess. Gloria: Oh, you're kidding me. Outside (The zombie animals are still causing a ruckus outside the house. Marjorie scratches the back door. A chicken pokes at the wall. Miss Brenda starts banging her head on the power cable outside.) Hallway, outside Gramma's bedroom (Cricket, Remy and Vasquez stand in a line holding their goody bags and jack o' lanterns.) Remy: Trick-or-treating indoors? This'll be fun! Cricket: How's this even s'posed to work? Bill: (from inside) Psst. You gotta knock on the door! (Cricket knocks; Bill comes out, wearing glasses and a pink shawl.) Bill: (elderly female voice) Hello! I'm an old lady! Cricket: Bill Green, what are you doin'? Bill: There's no Bill here, my name is...Jill! Remy: Candy please, Jill! Bill: (reaching for something) Oh, I've got somethin' even better than candy! (opens hands to reveal:) Tiny porcelain horses! (putting one in each bag/bucket) Eh, one for you...and you...and can't forget you! Remy: (starting to eat his) Ahhhh... Bill: (normal voice) Remy! Don't eat that! Remy: Oh... (Outside, Miss Brenda is still hitting the cable box; she hits it so hard that it short-circuits, causing all lights and power to go out in the house.) Cricket: Whoa, what happened to the lights? Bill: Eh, not to worry, I'm sure the lights'll be back on soon. Eh...anyway, on to the next room! I mean, house! (leaves) Vasquez: Master Remy. I'll go check on the power. You just stay here. Does that work for you, Master Remy? Remy: (irked) Sure, you can do whatever you want, Vasquez -- whatever makes you happy! Vasquez: Yes, sir! (leaves) Remy: (under his breath) Costume stealer. Outside (Vasquez peeks through the window of the back door. He finds the animals taking over the Kludge. He then notices the garage; the door is wide open and unlocked.) Vasquez: What on earth?! That's more shocking than anything I've ever seen tonight! I have to tell the others! Cricket and Tilly's bedroom (Gloria is now sitting upright in a chair, but still tied.) Gloria: Untie me, right now! Tilly: The subject seems to be changin'. Gloria: No I'm not! Tilly: (sniffs) The subject smells like a farm animal. Gloria: WHAT? Tilly: The subject is developin' a taste for human flesh. (rolls up her sleeve) Gloria: Tilly, untie me! I'm gonna miss the party, don't you understand? Tilly: The subject knows my name, and is tryin' to manipulate me into sympathizin'. I will not give in. Gloria: What?! Tilly: She seems so human. Gloria: It's me! Hallway, outside bathroom Cricket: (knocks) Okay! Trick-or-treat! Open up! Let's see if Dad can top "Jill". Remy: (porcelain horse in mouth) Hey, if you don't want your porcelain horse, can I have it? (The door opens; Bill comes out with his hat backwards and with a goatee drawn on his chin.) Bill: (cool dude voice) What's happenin', my...dudes? My name's uh...Zill. C'mon in, kiddos. (leads them in) Cricket: Trick-or-treaters don't usually come inside, so that's stranger danger, but okay! (rolls his eyes and goes in) Bathroom (Melissa is at the window; Bill closes the shade on her.) Bill: Ooh! You little dudes like bobbin' for apples? Cricket, Remy: (gasp in delight) Do we! Yeah! Bill: Great! Of course, I'm fresh outta apples. (gets an egg carton) But I got these eggs! (dumps them into the tub) It's pretty much the same. Bite gently now, 'cause they are raw. Cricket: (angrily) Is this some kind of sick joke?! Bill: (normal voice) Aww come on, I'm tryin', here! Zill can give you a cool Halloween, just...give him a chance! Cricket: There's nothing "cool" about salmonella, Zill! (Remy tries at it; he catches one.) Remy: I got one! I got one! (the egg falls and breaks) Aww. I swallowed some shell. Cricket: This stinks! Cricket and Tilly's bedroom (Outside, Melissa and a chicken are eating guts out of the jack o' lanterns. Gramma arrives at the door, weapons in hand.) Gramma: I'm back! I even found my old bear traps. Tilly? (Cuts to inside; the doorknob budges.) Gramma: What are you doin' in there? I told you to stay away! Tilly: (gasps) I'm runnin' out of time! (to Gloria) Let us begin phase two of my research. Gloria: What are you doing? Tilly: (reaches hand towards her) Hold still, I just need a small saliva sample... (Gloria bites her fingers.) Tilly: WAAAAAAAGH!!! Gramma: TILLY! (gets a chainsaw) I'M COMIN' FOR YA, BABY! (drills a hole in the door) GET AWAY FROM MY GRANDDAUGHTER, DEMON! Tilly: (Gloria attacks her) No! Gramma, stay back! My research must continue! I'VE GOT THIS UNDER CONTROOOOLLLLL!!!!! Bathroom Cricket: I should be up to my eyes in candy right now, but instead, all I got is raw eggs and a man who is terrible at impressions! Bill: I'm doin' my best, alright?! (Vasquez enters.) Cricket, Bill, Remy: (gasp) Vasquez: Friends, I've seen something horrifying -- the animals didn't break through the garage door, it was open from the outside! Cricket: (completely fed up) Ah, great! Now the animals are growin' fingers and unlockin' their own locks! It's the apocalypse! Remy: Don't listen to him, Cricket! He'd steal a boat off your own back if you weren't looking! Vasquez: Master Remy, what are you talking about? Remy: (yells and starts punching Vasquez) You stole my costume! YOU STOLE MY COSTUME! (Cricket and Bill start arguing, as do Tilly and Gramma. One of the chickens sees the hole to the bedroom and advances toward it.) Cricket and Tilly's bedroom Tilly: This is a time for study, not hysteria! Gloria: (gasps) Look! (Shows the chicken who somehow got inside.) Gramma: How did that get in? Tilly: He wants to come in through...Cricket's secret entrance! (The drawer falls over, letting all the animals to burst into the house.) Tilly, Gramma, Gloria: AAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Part 3 Hallway/Living room Gramma: THEY'RE IN THE HOUSE! (The animals chase them down the hallway; the bathroom door opens so the others investigate.) Cricket, Bill: Hmm? Agh!! (Herbert plows Remy and Vasquez to the ground; they scatter all over the living room. Tilly climbs onto the bookshelf as Miss Brenda rams at it.) Tilly: Miss Brenda is displayin' signs of aggression!! Gramma: (swinging a bat at a chicken) Stay back, devil! Kitchen (Cricket runs into the kitchen with Melissa following behind. She starts to corner him against a counter.) Cricket: Ah! Get away, I'm warning ya! (opens a drawer) Don't make me use my outlets! (Melissa advances toward him threateningly; shows her red point-of-view shot of Cricket.) Cricket: (shuffling through the drawer) Tape, pens, rubber bands, tape, how much tape do we need?!? (gets a flashlight) Huh? Oh...AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! (He turns it on, shining it right into Melissa's eyes, blinding her; she angrily backs away from the light.) Cricket: Huh? Wait a second... (He turns the flashlight off; Melissa threatens him again.) Cricket: AHH! NO! BAD DEMON! (Light on; she backs away.) Cricket: Ha-ha! (repeatedly tests the light) Your weakness is now my strength! Living room (A chicken advances toward the kitchen door before Cricket slams it open, sending her away.) Cricket: Everyone, listen up! I'm a genius! The animals don't like the light! (turns flashlight on; at Marjorie) Back, demon! Bill: Ha-ha! (escapes) Cricket: (at the chicken on the table) Take that, chicken! (Gramma jumps off the couch and escapes.) Cricket: (at Miss Brenda) Right in the eyes! (Tilly gets off the bookshelf and escapes; all gather inside the basement door.) Cricket: Sorry, monsters, but your dinner's been moved to never! (The batteries in the flashlight die, causing it to shut off.) Cricket: Uh-oh. (The animals revert to zombie mode and roar at him.) Cricket: AGH! (gets in and closes door) Basement Cricket: All right, door is secure. (Melissa bangs against the door) AGH!...For now. (He joins everyone downstairs.) Bill: (pants) I-is everyone all right? Remy: (weary) Oh, yeah...a-okay... (faints) Bill: (chuckles) Well, at least we all made it outta there. (Unfortunately, Gloria was left behind.) Gloria: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! (The animals all close in on her and attack her.) Tilly: Morale is low. Our one constellation is that it will all be over soon. Bill: That's right, sweetie. The blood moon'll be over in a couple hours. Tilly: Right. That's what I meant. Cricket: A couple of hours?! We barely survived one! Bill: Oh. I...didn't think it'd be this bad. (This line causes Cricket to look at him suspiciously.) Cricket: You didn't think what would be so bad? (walks up) What an odd thing to say! Whatever could you mean by that suspicious thing you mumbled to yourself? (starts cornering him) Bill: You're makin' me real nervous son, with those...suspicious eyes of yours. (He backs into the wall; a lock falls out of his back pocket.) Cricket: Huh? Bill: No! (Cricket picks up the lock and studies it. The lock looks rather familiar...) Cricket: What the...? (now it hits him) Oh, my gosh...THE LOCK TO THE GARAGE! (Everyone gasps.) Remy: Saboteur! Gramma: He was in league with the animals! Bill: W-wait, no! I-I can explain! The truth is... (giving in) Aww, you're right. It was me. I let the animals out. Cricket: Why? Bill: I did it because...I didn't want you to trick-or-treat without me. Country (Flashback: Cowboy Cricket and Devil Tilly in the Kludge with Bill as it drives through the country on Halloween.) Bill (VO): I know there wasn't much to trick-or-treatin' in the country, but...I loved it. (They get candy from a women in the house they're at.) Bill (VO): We'd drive the old country roads from house to house. (chuckles) (In the truck, they share their treats.) Bill (VO): And then pig out on candy in the truck. (He observes the kids having fun with an elderly couple at another house.) Bill (VO): Oh, those were great times. (He drives them home at the end of the night as they sleep together.) Bill (VO): Halloween was something we did together, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Green's House, porch/garage (Present day: Bill observes the kids and Remy and gets worried.) Bill (VO): So when I saw you runnin' off by yourselves, I-I panicked. (as red light bathes the setting) But then I remembered...the blood moon. (He looks up at the moon turning red, then looks back at the garage.) Bill (VO): I knew the animals would go crazy and trap you at home. I figured it'd be fine if I was careful. (He goes to the garage and unlocks the door.) Bill (VO): I just wanted to keep us together! (Flashback ends.) Basement Bill: I realized this whole thing turned into a whoopsy daisy. Cricket: Oh! Is that what you called this? A whoopsy daisy!?! You put the whole family in danger! And also, NO TRICK-OR-TREATING!! Are you hearin' this, Tilly!?! Tilly: (completely bewildered) I hear it...and I cannot absorb it. Cricket: Oh! And you broke Tilly why you were at it! Bill: Well, when you put it like that, uh... Gramma: Oh, Bill... Cricket: Well, you wanted us to spend Halloween together, so...here we are. Happy Halloween. (angrily sits down.) Bill: Well, I -- (sighs) Tilly: What's gonna happen to us, Gramma? Gramma: Well, we'll either get eaten, or walk away from this event unable to trust Bill ever again. Remy, Vasquez: (sigh sadly) Cricket: (sighs) (Pause. Bill feels against the wall; it is made of dirt. Then...) Bill: Hmm...what I did was...well, it was downright pathetic. But dang it -- Halloween's not over yet! There's an apartment building next door. If we can get there, you can still trick-or-treat. Cricket: Um, did you forget about the bloodthirsty animals waiting outside the door? Bill: (puts a shovel in the wall) We're not goin' through the door! Let's go get your Halloween! (Everyone gasps happily.) Front yard (Everyone bursts out of the ground, gasping and groaning like zombies.) Bill: That was a lot harder than I thought. (The animals are tearing the living room apart inside.) Bill: Okay, if we move swiftly, we shouldn't alert the animals. (They sneak right past.) Bill: Everyone be real quiet. (The door is heard knocking; reveals a boy in a cat costume knocking it.) Cat boy: Twick or tweat! (The knocking alerts the animals.) Bill: Oh no, a trick-or-treater! Kid, get away from there! Cricket: (overlapping) What are you doin'? Stop it! Move, move! Cat boy: I know you're in there! I can hear you wrestling around inside! If you won't come out, then I'll just come in. (reaches for the doorknob) (They shout at him to stop; he disobeys, letting the animals out.) Cat boy: Oh, noooooooooo!!!!!! Cricket: Time to run! (They rush right for the apartment building; the animals give chase.) Bill: C'mon, go! (They make it.) Apartment building, interior Cricket: Get inside, get inside! (Bill closes the doors; they make it to a hallway.) Cricket: (surprised) Whaaaa-haaaaaaa...?!!! (Shows several children trick-or-treating at the apartments.) Cricket: (tearing up) It's...beautiful! (Unfortunately, one of the chickens breaks the glass in the door.) Bill: Agh!! (They burst through the doors and trample him.) Gramma: Looks like we'll get to trick-or-treat after all. Bill: (pushing them away) Sounds great, but move it along!! Cricket: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (They stop at one of the rooms and get batches of candy from the bat-dressed woman.) All: Trick-or-treat! Cricket: (then shocked) Now run for your lives! Bat woman: Huh? AGH!! (Here come the animals; she throws the candy and slams the door to let them past. Cricket gets more candy from a man.) Cricket: Trick-or-treat, run away! Gramma: Gimmie that! (takes the bowl) Man: Huh? (a chicken tramples him) AGH! Cricket: (to a dalmatian-dressed man) HAPPY HALLOWEEN THE ANIMALS ARE COMING!! (Now he gets attacked; a wild chase ensues.) Vasquez: Master Remy, I have something to tell you. Please, don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't steal your costume idea. I think...you stole mine! Remy: What?! But that's ridiculous! Vasquez: I take you trick-or-treating every year, and I'm always a hot dog! Don't you remember? Remy: W-what...? No, I -- Big City, various (Flashback: a hot dog dressed Vasquez holds the pumpkin dressed Remy.) Remy: Twick or tweat! (Another year, Remy was an astronaut, but Vasquez is still a hot dog.) Remy: Trick or treat! (Another year, Remy was a frog with Vasquez as a hot dog still.) Remy: Whoa! I got so much candy! (hugs Vasquez and laughs) Vasquez: (laughs) (Flashback ends.) Apartment building, hallway (It all comes to Remy now.) Remy: Mmmmmm...aaaggghhhhh!!! (sobs and sits down) All along, I'' was the costume stealer! You must be so mad at me. '''Vasquez:' Not at all! In fact, I'm so proud, I positively influenced your life! Remy: I guess we're just a couple of weenies, huh? Vasquez: We're more than weenies, Master Remy -- we're friends. (The animals break their embrace and attack them.) Cricket: Huh? REMY! Gramma: Keep movin'! (pushes him) (They reach apartment 310.) Cricket: Oh, no! It's a dead end! (He knocks on it; Brett comes out, wearing a shirt that reads "Costume".) Brett: Hi! It's the Greens! What's happenin'? (They push right past.) Gramma: MOVE! Cricket: Uh...Happy Halloween, Brett! Brett's apartment (A party is going on.) Cricket: Great party, but'cha might wanna run now! Brett: What's the hurry? We got chips over there -- (gets attacked by a chicken) OW (The animals enter; the Greens shriek and run for it. The guests are shocked; the Greens begin to escape through a window and up the ladder to the rooftops.) Cricket: C'mon, guys! Let's move! Bill: Uh... Apartment roof (They get on the roof; unfortunately there's nowhere to run now. Cricket almost slips off the edge.) Cricket: AGH!! Guh... Tilly: We're trapped! (The animals arrive and begin to close in on them.) Gramma: I bring you into this world, and you take me out? Just like that fortune teller predicted. Cricket: Uh... (sees Bill step forward) Dad? Dad, what are you doin'?!? Bill: I'm buyin' you some time! This'll give you a few moments to enjoy your Halloween candy! It's the least I can do to make up for all this. Come get me, you bloodthirsty animals! Cricket: Wha? Uh... (He looks down at the candy in his hand, then at Bill willingly about to sacrifice himself. The animals all close in on him, prepared to strike...then Cricket climbs on him.) Cricket: Get away from my dad, you beasts! (throws all the candy) DAH! (The candy falls over them, and they start eating that instead.) Bill: Cricket, what are you doin'?! Cricket: Sorry Dad, I was wrong. I don't wanna spend my last moments eating candy, I wanna spend 'em with you. (The animals hear this; one chicken sounds an alarming cluck.) Bill: If we're goin' down... (They join hands as the animals approach them.) Gramma: Then we're goin' down as a family! (They brace themselves for the inevitable; Melissa is the first, going for Cricket.) Cricket: Oh, this is it...!!!!! (His head is engulfed in her mouth; suddenly, the red light fades from the full moon, leaving its regular white light behind and returning it to normal. Melissa steps back, releasing Cricket and leaving her saliva all over him.) Cricket: Eh...huh? (The animals back away.) Tilly: (gasps) They've all stopped! (Their eyes return to normal.) Cricket: The animals are back to normal! (Indeed they are run-of-the-mill farm animals again; they all cheer happily.) Cricket: (to Bill) From now on, I promise we'll never go trick-or-treating without you, Dad. Just don't ever scare us like this again. Bill: You got it. Green's House, front yard (All the people attacked by the animals are completely unharmed.) Cat boy: Hey, I'm awive! Apartment building, hallway Vasquez: Master Remy, looks like it's over. Remy: (sits up and coughs a chicken feather) So what are we dressing up as next year? Brett's apartment (Gloria arrives, unharmed but completely deranged.) Gloria: I made it! What'd I miss? Apartment rooftop Greens: (various laughing and chatter) (Pans up to the normal moon hanging in the sky above them; it flips to reveal Cricket's face.) Moon Cricket: Happy Halloween! Category:Episode Transcript Category:B Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:A-Z